Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash
I listen to music constantly. Work, eat, workout, play — these are some songs that have been traveling with me through June. What songs have been getting you through your month?
Today's post comes to you from Everyday Birth Magazine, a magazine about pregnancy, birth, and parenthood created for folks from many life experiences, brought to you by The Educated Birth. View the original post here.
Midwives are one of the options of care providers that you can choose when you're on your birth journey. The work of the midwife has been known across the world for generations upon generations. What are some of the things a midwife has to say today? About what it looks like to do this work, and what parents should know? Joining us on the blog today is Barbara Vernéus, a Black student midwife in Austin, Texas with a very important message for us all.
Welcome! Introduce yourself, what's your name, where are you, and tell us about your journey into midwifery?
Hi! My name is Barbara. I am the founder/creator of Tiny & Brave Holistic Services; student midwife, a blogger; maternal life coach, while being a single mother of one. I have been a trained Birth Companion, or doula, since 2004. In 2006, I went overseas through the African Birth Collective to Senegal, West Africa assisting midwives in labor and delivery. In 2008, I obtained a Graduate certificate from Boston University in Maternal and Infant Care in Public Health. I received my Master’s in Counseling with a concentration in Marriage and Family in 2016. I have written for Mater Mea; Mothering Naturally, Black Women Birthing Justice; MadameNoire and #NoPrivateParts. I've conducted workshops at Juneteenth Health Summit (Austin, TX); Yoni Poppin-Bellies Edition (Miami, FL) and Decolonize Birth (Brooklyn, NY). I am an advocate in being an instrument of healing to women, mothers and mothers-to-be who have experienced trauma; while inspiring more Black and Brown women to enter the birth work field. I am is also advocate/activist on the issue of the infant and maternal disparities happening within Black communities.
What has your experience as a Black student midwife been like so far?
My experience as a student hasn’t been easy and wasn’t because of the midwives. I have been fortunate enough to be with two amazing midwives that took me in. They were very understanding and as patient as possible about my circumstances of being a single mother with no physical support. Eventually I had to take a break from on-call life as a student and focus on being a single mother with no real physical support. At the current time I plan to attend La Luz Maternidad in El Paso, Texas for a minimum of 6 months, but really aiming for the one year program to continue to gain hands-on experience.
Why is it important that we see more Black and other POC midwives coming onto the scene?
Currently, we know that only 2% of the 15,000 midwives in the U.S. are Black, while the 40 million Black folks in this country make up 13% of the population. In the middle of this, Black women and babies are dying 3-4x higher than white women here. These numbers show us this is important.
Now, you make these amazing t-shirts — tell us about each of the types of shirts you're making and how that came to be, and how the funds are making an impact?
I created the Diasporic Midwife shirt in 2016 when I was doing my research of Black midwives in the U.S., and started realizing the lack of midwives in other cultures and asked, "Where
the Asian, Latinx, Haitian, Muslim, etc.,midwives?" I realized midwifery has been colonized. So I found the word midwife in each cultural language, and made this shirt to represent those we're not seeing.
Dope Moms Need Dope Moms, created in May 2017, came from the idea of just being a mother myself helping other women become mothers for the 1st time or all over again. My slogan comes from the African proverb that says "it takes a village" for we only successful as our support system. This is an ode to "mothering the mother" (doula); like mothers like me who are birth workers, helping others enter and re-enter motherhood. But most importantly it is helping to give awareness to the maternal and infant mortality rate. Black women and babies are 4x more likely to die than white women and one of the ways to help in that is standing in the gap for our fellow Black moms and being our sister's keeper when it comes to protecting our Black women and Black babies.
The funds from these shirts will be solely invested in my education at La Luz Maternidad in El Paso, TX to apprentice towards obtaining a Certified Professional Midwife credential. This program will provide me as student midwife with the opportunity to learn and acquire basic midwifery skills, attend births, catch babies, and provide prenatal and postpartum care. Licensed midwives sign off all skills and knowledge gained during this program.
Students who complete this program may get credit for the first and second quarters and continue their studies to complete a MEAC-accredited program which is my hope but as a single mother with no physical support is currently unpredictable. But I'm determined to make it happen. I haven't made it this far to fail myself, my daughter, and everyone who has invested in me thus far.
What do you want expecting parents of color to know about midwifery?
I want them to know midwifery care is an option first and foremost and that there are different options within midwifery itself. Depending on your state laws you can have a midwife in your hospital, birthing center and even in the comfort of your own home. Midwives are trained to make medical decisions just as obstetricians are trained — we're just trained differently — and studies have shown that a midwife's care can have positive, SAFE outcomes such as fewer complications or c-sections.
Is there anything else you'd like to say?
Becoming a Certified Professional Midwife is a difficult task. Laws and access to the education make it very difficult to become one, personal circumstances aside. If you want to pursue this kind of midwifery create a plan for how will you complete it. Look into how will you finance your education. Create your support team. Make sure to look at all the possible scenarios that may create barriers in accomplishing your dream and creating solutions to those barriers. This is a part of the reason why we don't see so many midwives who look like us, and this is what we can do to change that.
Even if you're not looking to become a midwife you can support our cause. Another way to make a difference is to fight to make the laws in your state more accessible and affordable to all the midwives to come.
Find Barbara Vernéus online: Website / Instagram / Facebook
Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash
We live in a time where many of our conversations are happening in type on screens, where no one can see our faces or hear our voices while we express what we express, and we can't quickly address misinterpretations or add clarifying information when something is misinterpreted or missed. Even offline, though, being a little painstakingly thorough in how we communicate with one another has been well worth it in my experience. After practicing this process with a recent Facebook post, I thought it might be worth talking a little bit about how this works for me.
"How will I frame what I have to say?"
Intro is always important. For mine, I wanted it to be clear that this process of responding had been painstaking, that I took it seriously, and that it was the result of an actual practice of patience. And I wanted to do that quickly so I could get to the points.
"How can I validate the point the person across from me is trying to make as I illuminate why that point is irrelevant/based in a falsehood? And how can I do that kindly?"
I navigate the world looking at how people are for the most part trying their best to do something or say something of value. They're not trying to be malicious, especially those we discuss things with online (unless they're literally trolling — in which case you need to just learn to discern that and leave the bait alone).
So, assuming I'm not engaging with someone who's trolling, I make it a point to reiterate and validate the point the person across from me is trying to make before turning to educate them on what I believe they should consider or learn more about.
"Is this as kind as it can be? Does this sound like it would be yelled or snapped? Does this sound sarcastic? Can I make it sound less frustrated and more calm and genuine?"
I try my best to make sure my words are coming across as genuinely spoken, and even-keeled.
It's easy for me to type something and then when someone else reads it — it's suddenly escalated in tone or volume to them. And sarcasm just doesn't tend to go over well in most situations — when the goal is to make a solid connection over a point of contention — spoken or otherwise.
"Who am I speaking to? Is that clear?"
Sometimes the message you're communicating isn't actually for everyone who might be reading it. It's worthwhile to clarify at times who exactly you're intending the message for, so other folks don't get confused or hurt thinking you're talking to them, too.
"Am I talking about what I actually know about? Am I directing people to solid resources? What are the next steps I'm offering folks so this doesn't become a revolving door of feelings/opinions leading to no actual action or conclusions?"
I can share my experiences with full confidence. But when it comes to things outside of my specific area of education and expertise, I've got to be able to direct people to a reputable source, or at least suggest they go find them if I don't know them off the top of my head, if I'm going to expect them to take that info seriously.
"Do I sound like a real person? Do I sound like I know I'm talking to a real person?"
Again, this brings in the issue of tone and approach. As I read things I'm writing, I often ask myself, am I sounding like I'm talking down to someone or putting myself on their same level, or even humbling myself in the way that I'm communicating?
How do I balance my conviction and my humility? How do I make it clear to other folks that I'm not attacking them, I'm reaching out to them? I'm inviting them.
Because honestly at the end of the day — whether we like it or not, whether we feel like it or not — we're already at the same table. What are we going to do about it?
It is exhausting to do this. It means that when I'm doing this well, I'm not just venting and posting. It's not taking me a few minutes to share what's on my mind. It's taking an hour, or two even. But I deeply believe it's worthwhile. And I believe you see the difference in the types of responses that arrive below posts where I engage this practice — and the amount of responses that I get *off* of social media.
Do you have a process for when you're speaking to someone (whether in type or aloud) about a topic that can easily escalate or devolve into misinterpretation? What's worked well for you in balancing what you have to say and who you're speaking to?
Our Babybay Cosleeper was right next to us — supporting us baby step by baby step on our newborn sleep journey.
DYK 60-75% of body/breastfeeding parents bedshare — EVEN when they don’t plan to? Let’s talk about safe sleep!
Now 27 weeks pregnant (third trimester, yay!) I’ve been developing my baby registry for close to a month now. I’d like to share my process for why I picked each item in hopes it can be helpful for some other pregnant folks too!
Sucked into this vortex of parent-and-baby-commercialism — I went down this rabbit hole to find a Black-owned business to add to my baby registry. Here’s what I found!
We carry deep money fears. It’s practical — I get it, I feel it, I’ve got it. For each of us there is a number, roughly, that we know we need to conjure up each month to keep on lights, to eat, to avoid scary letters in the mail from the IRS, and keep the bottom of our budget sheets nice and green so we can retire one day. Because of this, when we work, perhaps especially for ourselves, we start to think of all the aspects of our work in terms of money. Our time is money. Our speed is money. The quantity we can produce is money. The quality we can improve is money. The number of times or the length of time that someone can use our creations is money.
In our back pocket, we always carry this invisible, heavy money coin. On the first side of that coin, we think of all that we are potentially worth. On the other side, we hold our fear of scarcity. The risk of being undervalued, underpaid, and perhaps most terrifying… unsustainable.
Sliding scales don’t make sense when the fear of being undervalued is on and running. The concept depends on trust between the person setting the value and the person assessing their ability to match that value, to the highest possible degree. And everyone loves a discount. So if you give someone the option of no discount or a discount, they’re always going to go for the biggest discount, right?
Yesterday, I had a phone call with a potential client from a large organization. “How does your pricing work,” she asked. “Well,” I explained, “It depends a good deal on the context of the project. I give all of my clients a quote specifically for their scope of work. I have an hourly rate — but projects of certain sizes allow some flexibility.” I explained that pricing a one-page flyer is a little different than a 20-page annual report, which is a little different than creating 20 custom illustrations. “I also have a sliding scale,” I said.
“Oh,” this woman said, and now I’m paraphrasing, but her response was along the lines of, “Well we’re a nonprofit but we’re very well established — a sliding scale really wouldn’t be appropriate for us to take advantage of.”
I smiled on my end of the phone. It still surprises me a little bit when I get these kinds of replies. Because in my mind, yes, if you give someone the option of a discount or no discount, they're just going to take discount, right? But in my experience, that’s just not what happens.
My sliding scale goes from 70% to 100%. The little one-sheet that I rarely even send out these days articulates that 100% is the value I assign to the work I provide, and then it shows a line extending backwards to two notches at 85% and 70%. Underneath each potential price point, it offers a list of considerations for whether this level of discount might appropriately apply to this person or organization.
At the lowest rung of the sliding scale the list suggests that if you have no or limited expendable income, for example, this is an appropriate discount for you. In the middle, stressing about financial needs but being able to meet them regularly is an example that indicates less of a discount might fit you. And at the top, having access to savings or grant money is a clue that you may not really need a discount at all.
I round off my sliding scale document with notes about why I find it meaningful to work with folks on every stage of this scale. Full value payments match the value of the work I provide and help me to be able to work with folks who can’t pay full value at this time. That middle area of payment helps me to cover my costs and sustain my life as I work. And the heaviest discounted work I do is a way that my clients and myself show support for each other’s gifts and passions and missions.
But as I said, I rarely send this sheet out anymore. Altogether, I’ve probably only sent it out once or twice. When I’ve gotten on the phone, or spoken to someone face to face, I’ve encountered an inherent understanding. My clients and prospective clients seem to get where all of this is coming from, and honor it from their standpoint.
I had a doula client reach out to me once too, because she and her partners’ budget had shifted in the time between committing to work with me and having our second prenatal appointment. They had initially decided to pay full value, but now looking at the numbers, that investment felt unwise. On the phone, I acknowledged my sliding scale. “Let me know what your budget will allow now, let me know what you’d like in services, and we’re going to figure this out, through me and whatever other community resources if necessary.”
She got back to me with a number that was still not the lowest option of my sliding scale, and suggested I have less sessions with them — “I in no way want to undercut you,” she wrote in a text. With sincere appreciation for her consideration, I replied, “That number is perfectly fine and we’re still doing all the sessions!”
I’ve been in all of these categories as a consumer myself. I’ve paid all, I’ve paid some, I’ve paid a little. They’ve all been beautiful experiences in their own contexts.
I don’t know what I can say to fully express that value, to me, is not based in dollars. Value is the impact something has, its reach, its usefulness, how it makes someone feel or what it allows them to fully experience.
That said, my sliding scale decision is based on my context, on some of the privileges I have. I have some savings – not a lot, but some. That helps me to do this. I have some debt – but not a lot. And that helps me to do this. I also design largely for birth and nonprofit folks. It's an altruistic industry, filled with people and organizations who love collaborating with small business people like myself, and creating and building community with their business decisions. That’s not true of every industry. That helps me to do this.
So I get it. It’s not going to be the best fit for every entrepreneur, and not in every season of their working life. I’m sure I will continue to shift and evolve my model over time, too, but I'll never let go of the lessons I'm learning in this current season. And you'll never catch me making my decisions solely on the money.
The bottom line is, I don't want to operate my business and implement my pricing out of a scarcity mindset. That would get in the way of making real connections with the people I work with, and having honest conversations that dignify us all as members of a common community — however near or far we may be, however hands-on or intangible the work may be. If that appeals to you as well, consider applying a sliding scale. Sliding scale pricing is a beautiful way to literally put your money where your mouth is, and use that mouth to say, "This is way more about you and us and what we're working towards, than it is about the dollars."
Extra: I think it's worth noting that my clients self-select where they fall on the sliding scale. I do not choose for them. For my records, I also invoice all my work at 100% with whatever level of discount applied, so I can keep track of how much discounting I do in a year (just started this, so this will be the first year I have that info!).
Photo by Robin Spielmann on Unsplash
I listen to music constantly. Work, eat, workout, play — these are some songs that have been traveling with me through May. What songs have been getting you through your month?
