Where My Mind Goes When I Try to Be Quiet

Photo by Daniel Spase on Unsplash

Making space for quietness is something I’m working on. It’s on the long list of things I’ve been working on, especially since becoming self-employed. I’m so attached to my computer and my phone and my camera, it’s all lights and action so much of my day. That reality of my business life has real implications on my personal life. I have so many phone calls and meetings some days my social quota fills way past full and I feel like I could just hide under a rock. But I know, inevitably, underneath that rock, after about 20 seconds of quiet, this is what would start to happen in my head…

“Is that my hip making that clicking noise?” Lately I’ve noticed that if I move my leg in certain ways there’s a fun little clicking noise and feeling in my hip. I should probably see a chiropractor.

“I haven’t posted an Instagram story in a minute.” Often occurs right before I post a story on Instagram.

“I haven’t talked to [name here] in a while. I should text them.” Followed immediately by another thought or a phone call or an email ding or something that distracts me until I think about it again in another day/week/month.

“What if the colors I see aren’t the colors everyone else sees?” Not like what if my blue is your green but more like what if our sense of the hues of blue are just a little different. Or what if someone sees a whole other color I can’t see. That’d be wild. I’d want to see that color, too.

"Have I eaten yet?” My aunts have told me that when we travel together, I want to stop to eat too much. But when I’m home working it’s not unusual for me to accidentally miss a meal because I was on a roll with whatever I was doing and didn’t realize it until I had a few moments of quiet.

"Why is it so cold in here?" It's always cold to me, pretty wherever I am. If I don't have a jacket somewhere within reach I've played myself.

“Did I put deodorant on?” Like every other day. Also some natural deodorants really suck. I've had a good experience with Schmidts though.

“You know I think there might be something to that Universal Basic Income thing.” Have you heard about Universal Basic Income? Look it up. I’ve listened to a couple podcasts on it, it’s fascinating. The concept is that everyone in the whole country would get $1000 a month to use however they wanted, so everyone has at least enough to cover basics. You’d start to get it once you turn 18, I guess, and then just keep getting it no matter what. The only thing I wonder though is if the cost of everything in the country would just rise so that the $1000 a month becomes not enough to even get your basics… hm…

“Chocolate?” Like every other hour. I’m working on it. (I don't really eat chocolate every other hour... for real though.)

“I wonder what my mom is doing. I’m gonna call her.” I talk to my mom pretty much daily. I talked to her twice today, in fact. She’s pretty amazing.

"I just had an idea!" If I'm trying to maintain quietness, that's the moment an idea will strike. Not when I sit down to think of an idea. When I sit down to not think at all. My phone is like that too. It rings as soon as I put it down sometimes.

What are some of the things you think when you're trying to just become one with your breath and the world and the loveliness of quiet?

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