Photo by Caique Silva on Unsplash — Photo by Caique Silva on Unsplash

In the last few months, I've heard a lot of "how we first met" stories. One couple told me about how they met at a dinner party at a mutual friend's — and sparks flew so hard they each broke off other relationships to be together. I heard about another couple, countries apart, who met in the comments section of a post by their favorite band and years later eloped in Bulgaria (one of them lived there). While having my hair cut yesterday, I overheard someone else in the salon say how she met her fiancé playing beer pong at a frat party.

ALL of those stories sound better to me than online dating. My online dating profile even ends with, and I quote, "I'd rather meet you at a book reading but whatever. This is 2017, I guess."

"But why, Cheyenne, so many successful couples DO meet online." Yeah, yeah, yeah. SURE, I knowwww. Just — just look what I've had to deal with in the last few weeks.

These are ALL based on REAL profiles I've viewed, obvs without any personal information because I'm all about that privacy protection, even for my least favorite people. So also enjoy the way I've renamed each profile specific to its "vibe"... and added a little commentary of course...

Look, My Friend's Wearing Blackface on Halloween
Type of crap I expect he'd say: "I have a lot of black friends."
"I just don't get why he can say that and I can't even in a song."
"I don't even see color."

I Am Truly Your Fantasy Man
Honestly, this is nowhere near the worst profile picture I've seen, it just amused me so much. Just... not in a... "let's go out" way.

The Ladies Clearly Love Me, You Should Too
🎶 No, I don't want no scrub,
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me,
Hanging at the passenger side of his best friend's ride,
Trying to holler at me 🎶

The Common Guy With Fish
So frequent. So meaningless to me.
Like, no problems here really, just. Meh.
As a profile pic, from 1-10, it's an, "eh," for me.

The Common Guy With GIANT Gun
Always with the GIANT guns. Why with the GIANT guns?
I know some ladies like it, I guess? but... I DON'T LIKE IT.

Women: Objects I Use to Attract Other Objects... I Mean Women
And now for the grand finale, the type of man-child-ugh-gross-person who makes me almost lose faith in all men right here.

At the end of the day, the process of dating — whether online or off — can be funny, sobering, depressing, "whaaaaat?"-inducing and a whole bunch of other things. I hope that you've enjoyed this little personal glimpse into the online dating world. And all this BEFORE any conversation even happens, goodness gracious. That could be a whole other post.

Before I end I'd just like to say that I've also met a few really great people along this process, regardless of whether dating worked out! So, to anyone else out there who's like me: *grumble* I hate Tinder/Bumble/Coffee Meets Bagel or ZILLION other apps *grumble* — Hey, it's really not all bad. And it can definitely create some really fun surprises!

Do you have fun/terrible online dating stories to share? Tell me about them in the comments below!

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