This Month in Music: January Vibes

Photo by Ilya Yakover on Unsplash

I listen to music constantly. Work, eat, workout, play — these are some songs that have been traveling with me through January. What songs have been getting you through your month?

One Size Doesn’t Fit All: Welcoming Parents Across the Spectrums

Photo by Elijah Hail on Unsplash

I've been thinking a lot lately about this whole "one-size-fits-all" concept and how it just doesn't work. And then it's alternative — putting people into all these different little boxes — and how that doesn't work either. Our intentions are great! We want to approach folks based on what we feel they want or need. But because no one ever really fits into boxes or "one-size" categories, we often end up missing really important parts of peoples’ identities and not being as welcoming as we could be — even if we're pretty darn welcoming naturally. 

So what I’ve been thinking about today is… where do I see this, where am I in processing this, and how do I set myself up to avoid this? Journey with me into my humble reflections... I hope they can serve us both well!

Natural to Medicalized

We all see and hear about this all the time. There are classes and products and websites and all kinds of things marketed for those who are more “natural.” I’ve seen the opposite end of that projected sometimes as the “evidence-based” side, when that’s just not the opposite end at all. Natural childbirth and parenting can coexist with or stray from evidence as easily as more medicalized childbirth can do the same.

Take these two examples: water birth, and episiotomies. Water birth, often seen as a “natural” or “crunchy” option, has been affirmed as a safe, evidence-based practice by the American College of Nurse Midwives, the American Association of Birth Centers, and the Royal College of Midwives. Still, it’s use in hospitals has declined. Huh. And then we look at episiotomy, which is a surgical incision at the perineum given to widen the vaginal opening as baby is born, theoretically to prevent greater tearing. Evidence has contradicted this practice, saying it doesn’t really prevent further tearing and actually may cause worse tears. Yet, we still see this practice regularly performed in hospitals, at notably higher levels by obstetricians than by midwives.

The birth choices that people arrive at are also incredibly fluid because we never know how things may change in the moment. A parent may imagine a water birth at first and then decide to labor in a hospital bed with an epidural once labor gets active. I hope we continue to learn how to talk about this spectrum of birth options in a way that takes the pressure off, and just says, “You're giving birth to your baby through your power and hard work and presence, no matter how the details unfold. It’s 100% yours.”

Bottom Line: “Childbirth is a natural process that the child bearer’s body is equipped to flow through safely with minimal to no intervention in low-risk circumstances. Medical interventions are sometimes life-saving measures that fill the gap when risks and complications do arise and the natural process of childbirth cannot continue. Every parent should be aware of the risks of having more or less medical interventions, and be able to choose what they desire for themselves and their child.”


Gendered to Non-Gendered

Language and expectations surrounding birth, babies and parenthood in the mainstream are incredibly gendered. The majority and most visible images of pregnant people and babies show people who deeply identify with femininity (as that’s defined by the mainstream, geesh). Some people really deeply identify with and love their gender and celebrate it and that's great! It's just not always like for everyone.

There are pregnant folks who identify as female and what we traditionally consider feminine styles. There are folks who identify as female and what we traditionally consider masculine styles. There are folks who navigate and mix and match between those things. There are folks who identify as male and what we traditionally consider masculine. There are folks who identify as male and what we traditionally consider feminine. There are folks who say, “I don’t identify with either!” And this is all before even touching upon the expectations surrounding partners and how they present or identify.

Look, you do not have to understand how someone else has arrived at their identity to respect their identity and their expression.

Bottom Line: When we respect folks’ pronouns, how they present their bodies, what they wear, who they're with, and other such choices for their lives, we gain beautiful relationships and literally lose nothing.

Limited to Privileged

Lean into this with me, because I watch conversations about this topic unfold in birth work communities constantly and the way it's discussed puts me deeply in my feelings. I want to start with the bottom line.

Bottom Line: “Safe, high-quality, respectful care through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum should be readily available and accessible to all families regardless of income, race, ethnicity, language, gender or sexuality.” Deep breath. “Unfortunately, this is not currently the case in our medical system.” Final sentence, now. “As a birth worker, I best serve parents and all those around me when I recognize this, learn more about this, and advocate for a better system."

It’s incredibly important to talk about injustices parents face when navigating the birth world, and not try to treat them all the same.

I always talk to my clients about their rights — like how they can ask someone in the birth room to leave or be replaced, from family to nurses to doctors. I learned to do this quickly because, sadly, I have heard insensitive and ignorant comments made in birth spaces, and I have had parents reach out to me to talk through a situation in which they felt they may not have been treated fairly by medical providers.

It is good to talk about these things. As their birth doula, parents know that I can’t change the system we are engaging with, but they also know that I can be their safe space when that system misses that mark, that I can be an advocate and buffer that tempers the effect of the system’s shortcomings, and that they will never be alone in it. That can make a world of a difference.

And what does it mean working with parents with more privilege? No one should feel ashamed for being able to navigate the world smoothly. Everyone should learn that having a kind of privilege reveals an opportunity. Privilege is a kind of currency! You can spend it on yourself, or you can share it. When it comes to financial privilege, I know birth workers who work with higher-paying clients, who go, “You know, I'm fine with making $X but I’m going to make my fee $Y and donate the difference to an organization that supports folks who can’t afford my services.”

I think that is beautiful! Everyone deserves the same safe, quality, respectful care! We should all look for ways we can help bear each other's burdens in getting there.


There are A TON of other deeply important spectrums that we navigate our pregnancy, birth, parenthood, and general life journeys within. Here are just a few:

Faith and spirituality,
weighing our decisions and practices according to these compasses

Culture,
identifying with various pieces of our biological or regional ancestries

Personality traits,
drawing upon our sense of ourselves as intuitive or sensing, feeling or thinking, introverted or extroverted, planners or changeable, or anything else to guide our birth preferences

I am so grateful for the folks in my life who have open-heartedly gotten to know me on all these different levels. The only way they could have shown me they cared is by putting in the work.

So that's what I strive to do with the folks I work with, and everyone else in my life too. Put in the work to show that I care.

4 Ways Being a Little Scattered Worked for Me This Month

Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

I know I get distracted easily. And I know that distractions can be really counterproductive. But I also know that distractions can be gems. There is something totally pure and beautiful about doors opening where you would never have looked for one, about a glimmer of something catching your eye, about a piece of paper flying into your face in the wind and — Hey! It has this message on it — and WHAT, it feels like it's just for you!

In the past few years I've been learning how to reign in the particularly unproductive elements of distractibility, but... *smiles*... gotta give the magic of "un-planning" credit where credit is due.

ONE

I discovered a new favorite color when I made pancakes on a whim. And then a new favorite color website when I started writing this blog post.

One of my 2018 goals is to start meal planning, so in the future I don't wake up and go, "What do I even have in the fridge to make for breakfast?" Though even then I'm sure I'll wake up and go,  "I don't want to eat A/B/C... what else do I have in the fridge to make breakfast?" 

But anyway... last week I woke up, made pancakes on a whim, took a picture of them because I rarely cook and needed proof, and then I was looking at the picture and this GORGEOUS COLOR called to me.

And then, adding magic to magic, in my search for a decent way to display said color, I found this website: ColorHexa 😍

TWO

My roommate told me about a website that helps folks construct your contracts, and I couldn't remember the name... and in my search I found two other amazing services!

Yes, so apparently there's a service out there that helps folks with their own businesses create legitimate contracts without spending too much, particularly in the beginning.

By the way, lawyers, I feel you, I get your prices, and I can't wait to flip my hair and say, "Oh yeah, just send me an invoice and I'll get to it shortly."

In the meantime, I've got two links for everyone on planet Shoestring Baby Business Budget:

1. Termly, and
2. And Co

THREE

I didn't check to see if an office was open and accidentally became available for a really amazing meeting.

The original plan was to go with my friend and incredible Interior Designer Nicole Rutledge to City Hall to take care of some paperwork like the boss babes we are. Well... we showed up to a locked door that said everything was closed for "Lee-Jackson Day." First of all, gross. Second of all, it was 10 am and raining and she'd just paid for parking. 😭

BUT, I had just gotten a call on the way to City Hall from another person in my community wondering if I could last minute join a meeting — and when I got back in my car after parting from Nicole, I called her back and said, "Change of plans! I actually am free!"

Now, there's a pretty amazing thing that might be happening that I might be able to be a part of. And that's all I gotta say about that at this juncture. #BUTGOD

FOUR

I wrote this blog post two seconds after I opened my website to start writing a different blog post.

Someone just tell me you do this all the time, too. This is such a typical example of my "where the wind blows" nature. 

I would really love to plan my blog posts ahead of time – write them out in Microsoft Word so I don't lose them when my site logs me out because I had the window open from days ago – just pop text into the screen and hit schedule for like four posts in a row.

And I have kind of started! I have a list of blog post ideas in my moleskin, a page away from the last grocery list I wrote (I made vegetable soup in my new slow cooker for the first time ever and it was amaaaazing!). 

But anyway... my plan was to write about some ideas I have about ways to build a culture of professional generosity. I don't even know what happened in my mind to take me to this topic instead, but it happened, and it felt right, and here I am. And if you're here with me, right now, reading this sentence, wow. You're just the best.

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Do you identify with my scattered nature? Or are you more inclined to have your life neatly ordered and planned? Say hello and whatever is on your lovely mind below.

"New Year Who This" and Other Thoughts

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I didn't really want to write a blog post this week. It hung over my head — this yappy little floater on my internal to-do list, yapping, "Write me! Everryyyyone with a blog writes a post to bring in the new year!" I spent (exaggerated) hours going through lists of blog post ideas. I'm not very organized — at least not organized in a linear way. I keep my things in a state of organized chaos and I like it that way. So... all I've gotta say to the nagging little feeling that I should be doing things like everyone else is... "Sorry... New year, who this?"

And now... other things I'm saying "New year, who this" to, and... other things!

"New year who this" to Inauthentic Relationships of All Kinds

I don't have time for them! You don't have time for them! None of us have time for them!

A huge lesson for me from 2017 was that you can really click with someone the first time you sit down with them AND realize soon after that actually you don't click at all.

Whether a personal or professional connection, I'm taking my time in 2018 to feel out whether other folks and myself are really seeing life through complimentary lenses and share the values and mission we need to in order to contribute well to each others' work and lives.


"New year who this" to Treading Water

Metaphorically, speaking. A lot of 2017 was me trying to figure out what the heck I was doing and pay my bills while I was at it.

This year, I'm digging deep. I'm dotting my "i"s and crossing my "t"s. It's going to be so legit, it's not even funny.

And hopefully it won't be too incredibly expensive getting there...


Maintaining the Sustainable Lifestyle of Choosing People Over Profit

I know I've always been on the more idealistic side of the spectrum when it comes to looking at

the world and hoping for better. I want people toshare; I want them to see the best in others; I want them to listen and react with empathy in all situations, whatever may be going on.

It's so easy to find stories about folks who are being forgotten and ignored, like the article about folks with no heat in my neighborhood for years. It's so difficult to find stories about folks, particularly businesses, getting involved to meet a need, like a local hotel did by offering free rooms to residents with no heat.

I really try to live that way in my everyday life, supporting other folks dreams or chipping in to meet a need however I can. I hope to build something that can allow me to do this on larger levels, in whatever ways I learn it could be meaningful.


No Pressure Do Better?

Is it possible to do better without putting pressure on yourself? This is just a thought I've had rolling around in my mind lately.

I think yes and no... I do think that we can organically grow sometimes... but mostly at things we feel naturally drawn to anyway. It's the nitty gritty stuff we don't like that I think takes some kind of pressure to develop.

I hope to create a healthy relationship with pressure this year, applying it to the parts of my life that so clearly need it, and releasing it from the areas that I unfairly place it.

Anything resonating? What's on your mind lately? Tell me all about it in the comments below!

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This Month in Music: December Vibes

Photo by John Forson on Unsplash

I listen to music constantly. Work, eat, workout, play — these are some songs that have been traveling with me through October. What songs have been getting you through your month?