The Power of Regular Rest

Photo by HS LEE on Unsplash

Photo by HS LEE on Unsplash

The older I get, the less isolated I feel about my journey with anxiety, and the less I feel like there's nothing I can do about it.

Anxiety, in and of itself, is isolating and is disempowering — if anxiety, as I've experienced it, had a voice, that voice would be saying: "You're alone and there's nothing you can do."

It can take me from a moment of pure joy to what feels like a never-ending state of overwhelmed "WTF-ness", if you will.

I have to find outlets for my stress and anxiety. From September 2016 - September 2017 that was mostly yoga for me. I did yoga sometimes several times a week. 

I didn't do any all October. I got wrapped up in work, events, Netflix and going out with friends. And last week, I felt anxiety manifesting physically in my body, for the first time in about a year. Red, hot face, rushed thoughts, oh no, wait, what, what's happening? Yeah. It makes a tangible difference.

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So now I'm on a mission to start yoga again, revamp my eating habits, and get regular rest. Even if it means late blog posts, or skipped ones (which I'm sure bothers me way more than anyone else, even though my mind tries to tell me otherwise).

There's power in rest. And there's power in allowing myself to go through these motions of feeling. As Brené Brown says, if I numb myself to these challenging spaces, I'll ultimately numb myself to the glorious ones that follow. 

Do you have a story of the power of rest or vulnerability in your life? Share in the comments below!


This Month in Music: October Vibes

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I listen to music constantly. Work, eat, workout, play — these are some songs that have been traveling with me through October. What songs have been getting you through your month?

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7 Things I Should Have Learned in High School

Photo by JodyHongFilms on Unsplash

Photo by JodyHongFilms on Unsplash

I had a handful of truly AMAZING teachers in high school. They went above and beyond to talk to me and other students about what happened in our real lives and curiosities we had that weren't always related to the work we had before us.

But it seems to me there's a general giant gap in the most public high school curriculums that even the greatest, most involved teachers can't necessarily fill. Some of these items I'm listing were touched on in high school but... I should have learned about these things in detail. You know, considering they're ALL affecting my everyday life a lot more than the War of 1812.

Basically Everything About Finances
How do I create a budget? What are investments? What's an IRA? What if I take out loans for college? How do I manage my credit score? Plan for retirement?

Oh, and also, what the heck do I do when I find out my finances may be in danger because of an Equifax hack? Rely on John Oliver, that's what

These are clearly important things to know about! I wonder how other people learn them?

Great Internet Resources for Finances:
4 Best Personal Finance Apps as of October 2017 // Five Essential Apps to Track Your Spending, Save Money, and Pay Your Friends // 6 Personal Finance Apps that are Better than Mint // Nerdwallet


Also How to Figure out Taxes
So technically, this is still in finances but I think it's worth its own category.

I'm not sure taxes came up in high school at all. But I remember the first time I realized I had to file. Sitting in front of my computer like... wait... what? 

Great Internet Resources for Taxes: Top Tax Apps: 7 Best Mobile Apps to Organize and File Taxes // 10 Apps to Use Now to Make Taxes Easier Next Year // The Best Free Mobile Tax Apps of 2017


Everything About Insurance
Also within the range of finances... but different, too. Health insurance. Car insurance. Renters insurance. Life insurance.

How did the practice of insurance start? What do insurance companies actually do with my money? What kinds of insurance do I need? What if I can't afford insurance? What happens if I don't have any insurance? When I do want and can afford insurance, how do I find the best insurance for me?

Remember what I said about the first time I realized I had to file taxes? Insert this for the day I realized it was time for me to have my own insurance, lol.

Great Internet Resources for Insurance: NPR (answer to all) // Please Steal My Car: A New Freakonomics Radio Podcast (start at 14:11) // Planet Money: The Fine Print


ACTUAL Sex Ed + Sex Health + Birth Control Information + What Having a Baby Means
Teenagers should know what sex is, what healthy/unhealthy sex patterns are, the realities and risks of STIs and pregnancy, how and when someone can get pregnant and what it practically means to start a family at any age.

I mean everything from the anatomy (which was the bare minimum that I did learn), to all the ways how not to get pregnant (not just don't have sex or "here's a condom"), to how much it costs to just diaper a child (apparently about $72 a month).

More than that, by the time we graduate high school everyone should know how to take care of their bodies whether they're not having sex at all, or having sex frequently.

Teaching teens about sex doesn't mean they'll all start right then. Pressure to become sexually active exists for many teens whether they know much about sex or not, whether they'd even put

that language to it or not. If we took all that out of the dark and into the open, we'd have a lot less surprises, in our teen years and beyond.

Great Internet Resources for Sex Info:When Did Porn Become Sex Ed // This App Takes A New Approach To Sex Ed: Fun // 7 Sex-Ed Apps You Didn't Know You Needed // OMGYes // TED: Sex Ed for Adults // Fertility Info You SHOULD HAVE Learned in High School


The Options of Self-Directed Learning + Work
School should do this naturally, but especially with the rise of standardized testing... I think it's rare, realized by students either through a thoughtful adult or their own sheer force of will.

I've talked to so many people my age who felt like school was just a conveyer belt to a job, rather than a conduit to a calling.

I think I always kind of knew in the back of my head that I could work for myself one day if I wanted to. But it felt entirely out of reach until the day I started doing it. Why?

Great Internet Resources for Learning: Khan Academy // TED // Skillshare // Lynda // Curious 


ACTUAL U.S. History and How to Be Effectively Politically Engaged Today
Once upon a time, a really amazing explorer found this magical land. He had a colorful dinner with the cool brown people he met there. They were like, "Hey! Cool, new friends! Let's all live together." Everything was totally cool after that. Then a bunch of time went by and some really amazing white men threw tea into some water in Boston to tell the British to get lost and started the most amazing country ever, the United States. Okay, yeah, for a while we had this uncool "slavery" thing, but then the Civil Rights Movement came and we fixed that. Now we have a really awesome, totally fair judicial branch, legislative branch and executive branch, where all these great judges and Senators and Representatives and the President make everything happen for the best of everyone in our country.

That's basically what I learned about the U.S. in school from the start to life today. Because that's not true, I've found these resources.

Great Internet Resources for U.S. History + Political Engagement Today: More Perfect // NPR One // The Skimm // Stuff You Missed in History Class // Countable // Votespotter // Voter


How to Cook + Eat Healthy
So first of all, I'm not a cook. I'm too ADD in the kitchen for my own good. If I'm cooking and I get a blog idea, I'm gonna have a half-written blog post and last minute delivery for dinner. I've accepted it.

Still, everyone should know what a healthy plate of food looks like and some basic ways to get there without jumping through hoops of culinary fire or spending and arm and a leg.

As for me, for now, I've melted hopefully into the arms of Blue Apron. We'll see if this relationship lasts.

Great Internet Resources for Healthy Eating:  Best Nutrition Apps of the Year // Fooducate // Eating Well // My Food Stamps Cookbook // Choose MyPlate

What do you wish you would have learned about in high school? What resources did I miss? Tell me about it in the comments below! ☀️


3 Things I Expect from My Visits to the Ob/Gyn

Photo by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash

So I had my annual visit to the lovely lady doctor recently and when I left, I couldn’t help but reflect on how horrible all of my experiences have ever been.

I literally had high blood pressure during my visit. The nurse asked me, “You feeling anxious, honey?” “Honestly, yes,” I answered her, too eager to get the whole thing over with to mince words. “I’m probably overdue for this visit, but I haven’t had many good experiences.” She offhandedly said they’d take care of me and launched into a series of monotonous questions.

As I walked out of the appointment, I called my mother and processed through my first TERRIBLE gynecology visit with her, for the first time. “Why didn’t you tell me,” she asked me. And I admitted that I’d felt really embarrassed and ashamed by the whole thing. My first gynecologist offered me no helpful education and made me feel really insecure about my body.

Why, I thought, WHY is this so difficult? Have I just had bad luck? Is my experience typical? If my experience is typical, is a good experience too much to ask for?

When I got home, I googled how to find a good gynecologist. And what came up but an article called, Why Is It So Hard to Find a Good Gynecologist? Here's a little excerpt:

"After sitting in a waiting room... I'd get a brusque and formulaic appointment that consisted of a pelvic exam, Pap smear, and a quick question about birth control, and then I was sent on my way. There was nothing horribly wrong with the care that I got, but having [had] an excellent general practitioner who was extremely thorough and spent a lot of time with me during my appointments addressing my questions and concerns [before], I suspected that it was possible to be more satisfied..."

It rung so true to me! Though it seemed to suggest that this is a single woman / non-pregnant woman phenomenon, while I’d go further and say it’s an overarching issue for most people. As for me, personally, this is what I'm still looking for, when it comes to finding an Ob/Gyn:

A Welcoming Atmosphere

In a perfect world, I would enter my gynecologist’s office to a lovely person offering me a glass of water with some cucumber or some fruit on the bottom of the glass; then I would be led to a massage chair, and I’d snack on dark chocolate until my name was called to see my doctor.

In the real world, I’m satisfied to sit in a reasonably comfortable chair and flip through magazines (magazines that show people who like myself and my family and my friends... just putting that out there 'cause I'm often a little salty about the lack thereof...).

Overall, this aspect of my gynecologist visits, though, tends to be just fine.


A Qualified, Caring Doctor Who Talks With Me

I’ve found that at most of my gynecologist visits, I’ve had doctors who’ve talked AT me, rather than with me. At this appointment more than any other I’ve had, I felt like I was on a clock. It was like a stopwatch had been started the moment I went into the room and it was just tick, tick, ticking away with every word I said. There was a tangible sense of impatience in the air when I mentioned that I had a list of questions that I had wanted to make sure I asked. At some points I felt talked down to. And overall, I just felt like the whole experience was an impersonal blur.

P.S. doctors, The American College of Physicians says there's "monetary value to [patient] comfort." (source) Good for me and for your bottom line! Let's do it.


A Genuine Attempt to Make Uncomfortable Exams as Comfortable as Possible

Well, of course some parts of going to the gynecologist are just uncomfortable. That’s health, that’s life. But I’d really appreciate an authentic attempt to curb that discomfort.

For me, I like to know what’s about to happen when my body is on a medical table. Asking for a patient’s preference on exam approach would be an easy enough thing for a doctor to add to their bedside manner. But realistically, it seems it’s probably something I’ll have to declare. Just a solid, “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you just gave me a head’s up before you started something so it doesn’t catch me off guard.”

Also... redesigned speculum, anybody? The speculum dates back to the 1840s, an invention of James Marion Sims, "Father of Gynecologist," who experimented on slave women without anesthesia. The design is pretty much the same today as it was back then. Seriously.

Over 150 years later, we put a man on the moon, have phones that recognize faces, and speaker systems that talk to us, but the same damn cold metal device that people literally avoid gynecologist visits to stay away from.

Honestly, that’s all I want. It's pretty straightforward and simple. I want a comfortable wait, I want a doctor who’s not rushing me out the door, and exams done in a way that makes unavoidable discomfort a little more bearable.

It is NOT too much to expect a positive Ob/Gyn visit. Our reproductive health is too important for us to feel like we can’t talk to the health professionals who are supposed to care for us! Or have to mill in and out of their offices according to some arbitrary clockwork. Plus... shouldn't visiting doctors not just be about managing potential / current problems, but reaching higher levels of health / bodily satisfaction?

Have thoughts? Share in the comments below!


5 Ways To Pursue Birth Free of Oppression in the United States Today

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Last weekend I attended the 2017 Decolonize Birth Conference in Brooklyn, NY, by Ancient Song Doula Services and it was BEAUTIFUL — two full days of talking about the challenges and possibilities surrounding birth in the United States, especially as people of color, with what felt like at least 100 other reproductive health advocates and birth justice advocates.

It made me think about ways I can improve my own practice as a birth doula, as well as what innovative practices my community might utilize to improve the support and experiences parents have. Here's a breakdown of just five of the many things that touched me at this conference:

FIGHTING HISTORIES & SYSTEMS OF OPPRESSION IN THE BIRTH WORLD BY CREATING PATHWAYS TO SELF-DETERMINATION

“You must understand white supremacy. Reproductive justice without understanding white supremacy is only half the story.” Loretta Ross, Decolonize Birth 2017

On what grounds do we say that white supremacy has impacted or is today impacting the reproductive health landscape and realities of people in the US?

• The foundation of gynecology in the experimentation upon black bodies (learn more)

• The destruction of the legitimacy of black midwives to benefit the power structure of the white American male doctor (learn more)

• The statistical reality that Black women are 4 times more likely to die in or after childbirth than their white counterparts, regardless of class or educational status (learn more)

• Wide-reaching accounts of disrespectful treatment women and babies have received in birth settings, ranging in severity from offensive comments or behaviors (example, example) to harm due to ignorance/misbelief (learn more), to death (learn more, learn more)

So how do we combat this? How do we prepare ourselves and our communities to pursue the best outcomes? To pursue safety, let alone empowerment and births that fit who we are as unique individuals and families?

Well that's what social services are for, right? Filling the gaps for those who cannot afford the costs of this care? Having a case worker, having a program, having the ability to qualify to receive A, B, or C. Yet where has that led?

“Social services create dependency. Social justice creates pathways to self-determination.” Chanel L. Porchia-Albert, Decolonize Birth 2017

It’s a complicated web. Because while social services programs have offered access to many necessary materials and services, they have also been used to control who we think of as "deserving" access, and how we look at anyone who uses them.

Take the image of the Welfare Queen, for example — the myth of the Black woman who has children again and again and again to receive more money from the government.

Then look at how, because of this myth, caps were placed on the amount of social services assistance that families could have once they’d grown to a certain size (learn more, learn more) So that now we have families in economic need from the start being economically punished for growing another child larger.

Self-determination. The ability to choose which way one is going. So what does it look like to choose your care provider, to choose your birth location, to choose your vaginal birth or c-section birth, to choose your labor interventions or lack thereof (within medical reason), your comfort measures, your breastfeeding or pumping or formula, your disposable diapers or cloth diapers?

This is an area where doula work comes to life. A parent can only choose what they want if they know what they can choose from. And with care providers like OBGYNs and midwives carrying so many clients at a time, doulas have the time and space to sit one-on-one with parents and sort through their options and desires. This particular solution is happening in cities across the U.S. and we're seeing it work (learn more).


DECIPHERING BIRTH OPTIONS FOR PARENTS ON MEDICAID

Medicaid funded one third of all births in the state of Virginia in 2015 (source) and funds about half of all the births in the US, generally (source). So why does looking for the answer to a question like, “Can I have a home birth on Medicaid? And if so, what do I need to do?” feel like trying to solve a Rubik's cube? When I typed it into Google, all I could find was a few of mentions on message boards. No concrete examples, no practical advice or direction.

“How can you have a choice if social policies are targeting/impacting your choices?” Dorothy Roberts, Decolonize Birth 2017

Parents should have easy access to information about their options in pregnancy and birth, and how that intersects with their insurance coverage. The choice of care provider, or birth location should not be made because “we thought this was just the way it had to be.” Too often I’ve heard that it was.

There is a solution here. It’s simply (I hope simply, at least) a matter of finding out what’s going on in the community and sharing the information. I’ll be exploring this more as it pertains to Richmond, VA. And I hope it’s explored more in other cities and shared widely in those places as well.


HOLDING OUR LOCAL BIRTH PROVIDERS ACCOUNTABLE WITHOUT LAWSUITS

“When parents were asked whether they’d received respectful care, they often said yes. Yet when they were asked if they'd experienced specific disrespectful or abusive behaviors from providers, they often said yes.” Ynanna Djehuty, Decolonize Birth Conference 2017

I want to start this section with two acknowledgements: one is that no one goes into the medical profession thinking, "I want to hurt people." OBGYNs, labor and delivery nurses, anesthesiologists, etc. — all of these people save lives and we need them!

At the same time, we have this issue. The approach and quality of interaction and communication between birth providers and parents in the hospital setting has left many parents feeling unheard, disrespected, disregarded and sometimes even emotionally or physically traumatized, with a birth experience that was forced upon them without medical necessity.

Well, why not turn to lawsuits, then? While this reaction has its place, the fear of lawsuits also drives some of the disconnected, authoritarian ways that some care providers interact with birthing parents. Lawsuits aren't the only option, and they're not enough.

Rather than place the accountability into the legislative system's hands, what does it look like to put that power into the community?

Are there ways we can incentivize what we want to see? Like The Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative, developed by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) to encourage hospitals to support breastfeeding and bonding. Hospitals across the country now market themselves with this qualification.

Are there ways we can organize our concerns about care in a way that's helpful to providers? Like what was done with the Respectful Maternity Care Charter, created by the White Ribbon Alliance for Safe Motherhood, NGOs around the world, government groups and grassroots stakeholders. As a part of this campaign to assert and protect human rights around care in birth, groups created local accountability measures like hotlines and community dialogues reporting and discussing mistreatment in medical settings, which was then shared with health providers in trainings, and did result in changes (source).

What could that look like locally, for birth world stakeholders and community members to create a birth care standard and not only offer the ability to meet that to our local care providers, but also create a way for parents to report their experiences, and to create safe spaces to share these experiences with providers, so that they can use them as constructive professional development opportunities, rather than destructive career threats?


LEARNING HOW TO “BE” WITH WHEN WE DON’T “AGREE” WITH

"We have to learn how to 'be' with those who we don't 'agree' with." Loretta Ross, Decolonize Birth 2017

What does it mean to “be” even if we don’t “agree” as those who care for parents? What do these situations even look like?

• the collaboration between home birth midwives, hospital providers, public health professionals, researchers, and more (example)

• the communication between care providers trained through the technocratic model of care, which sees the body as a machine the doctor needs control to care for, and patients seeking the holistic model, which sees the patient as the decision maker in their health care experience?

• the collaboration between hospital staff that do not acknowledge the role of doulas and the doulas parents bring in those hospitals?

What “be” ultimately means is mutual respect. There has to be mutual respect between OBGYNs and home birth midwives, between care providers and patients, and between hospital staff and doulas to allow them to “be” in the situations above.

How do we get to mutual respect? Knowing each other’s roles and purposes, knowing each other's strengths and how we complement each other, meeting each other, and having spaces to safely dialogue about concerns and to be on the same page and establish trust.

In a field where there is literally potential work to be done every hour of every day, I think one of the major challenges in this area is simply finding the time and the space for so many birth workers to come together and learn.


PROMOTING REPRODUCTIVE JUSTICE AS MORE THAN A RESISTANCE MOVEMENT

“What’s going to happen when we win? This can’t just be a resistance movement.” Loretta Ross, Decolonize Birth 2017

My final lesson from Decolonize Birth 2017 is that this work isn’t just about resistance. It's not about one type of birth worker or model being better or worse. It's not about a system that's hopelessly broken. It’s about human rights.

Reproductive justice is about moving toward a brighter reality of birth in the United States. One in which the maternal mortality rate falls instead of rises, one in which birthing people – of all ages, races, ethnicities, gender expressions, family types, etc. – can be active participants in their health decisions, and can receive safe and respectful care with the same simple result time after time: happy, healthy babies and parents.

Did anything above strike you as something you want to learn more about or have something to say about? As always, feel free to comment below!